At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
