Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
