dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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