he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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