shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
