I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
