My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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