forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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