I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
