i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
