so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
