I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize