I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
