i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
