My brain says no but my pants say off.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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