wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
