we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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