So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
