when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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