Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
