I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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