I can tuck mytits in my pants
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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