Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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