it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
