that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
