She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
