i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
