I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
