You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
