Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
