id be glad to
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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