He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
