Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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