your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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