the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
