There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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