my phone needs a breathalizer
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
