Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His nipple licking is glorious
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
