i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
