We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
