dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
