just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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