Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
