When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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