Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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