someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Holy shit dude........stairs
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