i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
