I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
