Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize