It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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