Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
