I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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