we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
