Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
