so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
