It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
