the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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