Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize