I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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