it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
