just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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