I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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