there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think your dad took our porno
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
