So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
