you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
