Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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