Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize