he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
