Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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