Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
