Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
