fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
