Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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