I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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