apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize