I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
