Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Couch. On fire.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
