I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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